Chris' romantic planned date involved....wow let's be original. Dinner and a Movie. We went to the Alamo Draft House, which is a theater that also serves food and more importantly....BEER. The movie was Blade 2. Not good, not bad, just ok. Chris kept trying to be romantic, grabbing my hand and rubbing it in the same spot over and over again until nothing was left of my skin. Then he tried to put his arm around me, but the chairs were not made for that kind of sitting. What can I say, he tried. I wish there was some magic lever to press to make everything exciting and new again. I keep trying to be positive and not so naggy. But it is very hard. I have so many examples of what to do, but I just have a hard time voicing them. And, it seems like I want him to read my mind, because if I tell him exactly what I want, somehow it doesn't seem to count in my mind. I know how silly that sounds, I can't help it. It's just that everything is predictable now. I know I should be thankful that at least I have a tangible relationship that I can count on, but it doesn't feel like that when you are in the midst of it. I miss the excitement of being spontaneous and not knowing what to expect. Is this possible? My therapist says I shouldn't say things like "I need you to do/be X". So, how do I convey what I want and still maintain the feeling of being exciting and new? *sighs*

So I think I will try to do something radically independent ....or not so radical.... each day. Today: I booked my hotel reservations for Chicago with minimum assistance from Richard, who knows the area. He was "supposed" to check the hotel out, but feels confident that it will be fine. So I trust him. If it sucks, I can always hold it against him say.....forever. I'm starting to make mental lists for my Chicago trip. I'm such a Virgo. But I love lists. They really do make the world go around. Or at least keep the panic attacks at bay.

Tomorrow is the new moon.