Is it possible to not know how to be happy? Can I be so jaded that I surround myself in misery because that is all I've ever known? Locked away in a tight cocoon of unhappiness, do I strangle or push away anything that might actually make me feel something? Chris told me one time that I didn't know how to be happy. I'd like to think that I am the only person that can make me happy. And, in this, it terrifies me. I haven't a clue what to do to make myself happy. I think I've always counted on finding that one special person that will bring out the best in me, make me a better person. I think in a way we all hope this. Somehow it makes it easier. It seems like the most simple of emotions. Just be happy. Why is it so hard? Why do I feel like I don't deserve this emotion? I think I hurt too many people because they try to help me be happy and I instinctively lash out at them and push them away. Why do I do this, what am I afraid of? Once again, I have too many questions and little in the way of answers