It's amazing to see how many people care about you when you really have something fateful happen in your life. Of course, they all have their own advice on how to do things as well. But, at least I know they offer it because they care. Last night's date night did not go very well. I had what I thought was a fun night that Chris would like. We would go to the Saxon Pub and have a beer or two, play some darts. Then over to Suzi's Chinese Kitchen for dinner. Afterwards, over to Slick Willie's. A "Family Pool Hall" Whatever that means.... But.... Chris showed up an hour late. I kept thinking that if this really was a real date and he showed up an hour late without calling, I would not answer the door and NEVER call him again. A large argument insues........ Afterwards, we agree that he will be more thoughtful and more serious and I will be less serious and less pressuring for perfection. I can't believe this is the same man I used to spend hours upon hours talking to. It's frightening how far we've grown apart. He cannot seem to understand that I need to feel right with myself. I mentioned to him that I was going to get my own credit card and he practically had me moved out already and the divorce papers signed. It is odd how he thinks he is so logical and then he acts so defensive and illogical at the same time. Goddess grant me patience! I tried to explain in terms he might understand, like my counselor advised. I told him that it was so easy for something like "9/11" to happen again and how ill prepared I would be if he fell off of the face of the earth. I can't see that this is an unreasonable request. I suppose he is reacting to me taking away his "control" over me. I can't blame him since it was me who set up the parameters of this dependence in the first place. So I am doubly burdened. Not only do I have to be strong with the challenge of establishing myself as an individual but I must also coddle him every waking moment to let him know I'm not leaving him after I have developed myself to where I want to be. I wish he could just understand that I want to look in the mirror and not only like, but be proud of who I see there.