Just when you think you know what to expect from humanity, you get thrown for yet another loop. Do I have an invisible sticker stuck to my forehead that says "Please fuck with my head, I'm not insane enough?" How is it that I can be so careful of the people I surround myself and yet still get shit on? My trip to Chicago was to symbolize all that I hoped to accomplish in life. Independence, Adventure, Learning. Why must all good things be tainted? Ahh, I'm wearing my pessimistic coat again. How easy it is to put back on. I always wondered why I had so few friends in my life and I guess after this trip I realize why. Because no matter how caring and how sincere and how trusting and honest you are, you get used. And everytime I think, Damn I never saw it coming. And in this statement, I hate myself because I do have a few really wonderful collection of friends who really don't want anything from me but to be my friend. But, when events occur like these recent ones, it makes me retreat further into myself. I've let myself become a god damned victim again and it just makes me want to scream and hit something. The therapist says "Use that anger". So fuck you! Fuck you all! This is me. I am a woman. I have a brain. I have a fucking imagination. I have spirituality. I am a bitch. I am sweet. I am beginning to like my body for the first time in a long while. More importantly, I like who I see in the mirror and the soul that looks back from my eyes. So fuck you, you god damned fuckwit (phrase copyrighted and borrowed with permission), you cannot even begin to touch who I am. Not in a million years will your words touch me. You are sick and twisted. Anyone who would turn a sincere friend who only wanted to share part of her soul, opening up after a long isolation, into a piece of fucking meat is SICK! I wish I had the strength or rather the weakness to say I hate you. But, I can't. I don't want to hate because my karma doesn't need that kind of taint. What you did is so disgusting and I can't even believe you can justify your actions. Worse, you blame me. How easy it is to do that too. Afterall, look at me, I'm just asking for men to want to fuck me. You shithead. I can't help the way I look. Did you ever think about that? Just because there is something in front of you does not mean it belongs to you or that you have any fucking claim on it. How dare you! I wish you could feel the violation that I feel right now. I wish you could be tied down and have twenty women say horrid things to you as they looked down at you, helpless.and then tell you that you asked for it and what a dirty little bastard you are. You have no respect for yourself and you have no respect for women. Don't give me bullshit on how in touch you are with what a woman feels. You deserve every minute of suffering that is coming your way. And I'm going to sit back and pity you for it. Because you ruined a sacred thing for me. Friendship. Keep your goddamned dick where it belongs. In your pants or in your wife. What you did was worse than murder. You destroyed my spirit and my hope of humanity. But I won't let you win. Because you are nothing. Just a pathetic excuse for a man. Men like you fuck little children and then make them think its their fault. Do the world a favor and check yourself in for help. You cannot do this on your own. And if you don't, how many other "friends" are you going to destroy? Not me again. I am ice, rock hard ice to you now. Even if you were a raging inferno, you couldn't touch me. Lay in this bed you made for yourself, I won't be joining you there.