Faith is called on, in question. A soul has life, energy. It animates these perfect and not so perfect vessels for a short time. But, what happens when the body gives out? Based on our logical scientists, matter can neither be created nor destroyed. So, this begs the question, where does a soul go, once free of the body. I have placed belief in reincarnation, that the soul lives on, spiralling closer and closer to some higher knowledge, gained one lifetime at a time through learned wisdom. I hope, I pray that the soul finds comfort in between these lifetimes. But, in the end, we never know. All we have is hope and faith. In this, all religions are the same.
On October 19th at approximately 3pm, a brave and frail ten year old black kitty, named Sinjin, decided his time on this earth was over. He lay down in the middle of the cold kitchen floor and released his tiny soul from his sick body. He didn't cry out, he just layed down as if to sleep, while his heart just ceased to beat. His heart, strained from an overactive thyroid disease, just couldn't pump one more time. Maybe he heard the hushed words that I spoke earlier in the day about his waning weight and going to see the doctor. Maybe he loved me so much he made the decision that he knew I never could. We rescued him from an abandoned house near a neighborhood of fraternity houses.We think he had been abused or at least terrified into hiding. It took years of love and patience to gain his trust. My husband would simply stand up and he would run in terror. He was the ruler of the house. But, he did so silently, with dignity and respect. And, that is not easy to do with eight other cats in the house. Even while he was sick, he still held their respect. Odd, how the most distant cat can also be the most loving at times. One might say, "Yeah, so what? It's just a cat. You have eight others." This would be someone that doesn't know me. You see, I have pretty much vowed not to have children. So these cats are essentially my children. So as I cried over his cold little body, I was letting go of my baby. Love is love, even with a furry body. My heart breaks everytime I think of him laying on that cold kitchen floor and releasing his last breath. I hope he knows how much I love him. I hope he forgives me of the times when I was less attentive or when I got angry and frustrated with him. I'm angry at him for not letting me know it was time but then I love him so much for being able to face that new journey alone. How utterly mortal this makes me feel. As controlling as I am, this event I could not even touch. I grieve. I cry. And as I cry, the heavens cry too. The rain is a comforting blanket, a darkened promise of brighter days, fond memories. It hurts, yet I know each day it will hurt less.
I love you and miss you Sinjin. Momma's little Ninny. Thank you for sharing your life with me. Thank you for letting me love you.
You are in my heart forever little one. Goodbye.
On October 19th at approximately 3pm, a brave and frail ten year old black kitty, named Sinjin, decided his time on this earth was over. He lay down in the middle of the cold kitchen floor and released his tiny soul from his sick body. He didn't cry out, he just layed down as if to sleep, while his heart just ceased to beat. His heart, strained from an overactive thyroid disease, just couldn't pump one more time. Maybe he heard the hushed words that I spoke earlier in the day about his waning weight and going to see the doctor. Maybe he loved me so much he made the decision that he knew I never could. We rescued him from an abandoned house near a neighborhood of fraternity houses.We think he had been abused or at least terrified into hiding. It took years of love and patience to gain his trust. My husband would simply stand up and he would run in terror. He was the ruler of the house. But, he did so silently, with dignity and respect. And, that is not easy to do with eight other cats in the house. Even while he was sick, he still held their respect. Odd, how the most distant cat can also be the most loving at times. One might say, "Yeah, so what? It's just a cat. You have eight others." This would be someone that doesn't know me. You see, I have pretty much vowed not to have children. So these cats are essentially my children. So as I cried over his cold little body, I was letting go of my baby. Love is love, even with a furry body. My heart breaks everytime I think of him laying on that cold kitchen floor and releasing his last breath. I hope he knows how much I love him. I hope he forgives me of the times when I was less attentive or when I got angry and frustrated with him. I'm angry at him for not letting me know it was time but then I love him so much for being able to face that new journey alone. How utterly mortal this makes me feel. As controlling as I am, this event I could not even touch. I grieve. I cry. And as I cry, the heavens cry too. The rain is a comforting blanket, a darkened promise of brighter days, fond memories. It hurts, yet I know each day it will hurt less.
I love you and miss you Sinjin. Momma's little Ninny. Thank you for sharing your life with me. Thank you for letting me love you.
You are in my heart forever little one. Goodbye.
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