Criminal on the Loose

Thanks to Taliesin, whom I don't blame whatsoever for my stupidity, I am a fugitive on the run. Yes, that's right, I have a ticket. Public lewdness, you might assume. But, no. We have a beautiful greenbelt in our city featuring lovely cedars and a series of water falls within a streambed. "Let's go see it", I say, the recent rains will have made them beautiful. Drive up to the gate. Damn, closed. "Pffft, let's hop the fence, What are they going to do, write me a ticket". Right. Hop fence, sit and watch the falls, walk to gate, struggle to get mud off of shoes. Flashing lights ......uh oh. Police officer approaches. "Hello Ms Spears. Hop back over the fence" Well crap, He's been there long enough to run my plates and find out who I am. I can't claim, uhm we just hopped over to look at the map. Shit. This is where I get amused. Taliesin then practically sells me out. "I'm not from here, I'm from Chicago. I'm leaving on a plane back home in two hours." Rat Fink. Officer collects our driver's licenses. Twenty minutes later, "Sir, I believe your story about from being out of town" Dumb ass! What gave it away? Hmm maybe his Chicago driver's license and the suitcase in the back seat of my car? "You, however, Ms Spears I have to cite" Holy Shit. There are so many people in the world killing, stealing, selling drugs and generally causing harm to other human beings and this asshole is going to write me a ticket for "Climbed Closed & Posted Park" But, wait. It gets better. Chin up, I take it, bewildered that I am getting a ticket for this. Whatever. I learned my lesson. Karma has been served....rare cold and bloody like I like it. So all of this mayhem happened on October 28th. On my ticket, I have the option of contesting it on my court date of November 7th. If I don't choose to contest it, I have to pay the fine before my court date, which is tomorrow for you people out there that don't know what day it is :P. On the ticket it says, I should wait at least five days before trying to pay by phone. Ok so I give it seven just to be sure. This monday, I call. "I'm sorry ma'am, your ticket hasn't been posted yet. We are really behind on these." Me, "But I have a court appearance on Thursday. I want to pay this as soon as possible". She laughs at me, realizing what a fucked up reason my ticket is and says 'Try a little closer to your court date, they may give you an extension anyway." But, I don't want an extension, I want to pay my damned ticket and get it over with. "Oh, by the way, how much is the ticket?" She says, "Let me look.....$181.00" Long pause. Me, "Oh my god!!!!" She laughs at me again. Pleasantly, I get off the phone before I am accused of premeditated murder. Wednesday, ring ring. Same shit. The ticket isn't posted. "But my court date is TOMORROW" Our justice system at work wooohooo. "Yes, yes" Placating voice. "call tomorrow morning or afternoon" Eek. "I don't want a warrant out for my arrest because I didn't pay this ticket." As she is hanging up, "Everything will be fine, call tomorrow" Click. So, think of me on those long cold winter nights. I'll be snuggled up with some woman named Bret, just another woman's bitch. And at night, I shall be cursing and screaming Taliesin's name. Poor little lunatic, Public Enemy Number One.