Wow look two blogs in a row. I think I'll enlist this as another form of therapy now. So, forgive me ahead of time for the self-degrading misery that follows. I've been writing a bit and that seems to help somewhat. So why am I back here pouring my soul out? Well, I left my husband two weeks ago. He did something bad, which he had done one other time a few months back. I told him then that if he ever did it again I would leave him. What he did goes against everything that I am with a screaming common thread back to my childhood. So now I am in happy limbo land on what to do next. Luckily I am staying with two really good friends that are trying to help me keep it all together. The Sioux City trip was a great distraction. But, now I'm back and have to face the executioner, as it were. I told him that he would have to seek a therapist before I would consider coming home. Of course, he is doing the typical male ego control scenario and demanding that I come home. I guess I think to myself, I was strong enough to leave in the first place, I must be strong enough to stay away because I know what is safe for me and my sanity. But gods, its hard to fight the submissive rollover and just go back to the way things were. So, I stick to my guns as best as I can and our first session is tomorrow. Sometimes I just feel so alone and I pray that my life will be like a movie and just fade into black. The truth is I do have friends that care about me. And they kick really hard when I start to deny their existance. Thank you. You know who you are. It might just be enough. Kick me hard and often. I may begin to like it.


Broken Dreams
Spill across the floor
Shattered hopes
Splinter in my heart
The scars are deep
They follow the lines of my soul
I wish I could own them
These pieces of the past
Reflected into the future
Like broken shards of a mirror
A reflection I can't turn away from
A past I can't forget.